I was raised in a small town on the slopes of a giant volcano. I was very distantly related to the family of the emperor, and this would have one major impact on my life. My uncle (whom I detested) was a member of the emperor's court. He showed up one day when I was about nine or ten years old at my family's house. He had news that would change my life. My uncle had volunteered me for a very important mission. He said that because of my blood connection to him, and his connection to the emperor, he was able to secure this fortuitous opportunity for me.

At that time, there was only one religion in Japan, and that was Shintoism. The emperor was having problems with the Shinto leaders, though, and had come up with a 'brilliant' plan to lessen those leaders’ influence over his government. He intended to import a new religion into the country, so that Shintoism's total dominance would be diminished. His plan called for sending a select group of young boys to China to study Buddhism, and then bring them back to teach it to the natives. Thanks to my uncle, I was one of those boys selected.

For me as a young boy, I was not upset that my future was being decided for me. I did not know any better. I was excited, though, to be traveling to a distant land.

I spent the next decade (approximately) living in a Buddhist monastery in China. It was the happiest time of that life. I was an eager student and a good one. I had very strong spiritual yearnings and cravings that were joyfully being fed. I had an exceptional teacher whom I desired to please, and to whom I kept up a steady barrage of questions. I was his favorite student, and I progressed more rapidly than most of the other Japanese boys. (On the side, he also taught me a little about Taoism.) I could have continued my studies forever, I was so enthralled by them, but one day I was informed that I would be going back to Japan. This was a very sad day for me, especially since I felt that my studies were not complete, but I did as I was told.

Only a young man in my twenties, I was given a newly-built monastery upon my return to my homeland. An entire student body of young boys was waiting for me to become their teacher. I did not feel that I was ready to be a teacher, but I did the best that I could. For the next decade (approximately) I taught Buddhism. In addition to my own self-doubt, I also had the pressure from the government to turn out as many Buddhists as fast as I could. I eventually came to question what I was doing. I also eventually realized that my own learning had stopped. I was no longer evolving, and in fact I was slipping into confusion. I was even questioning the very Buddhist principles that I was teaching.

The day finally came when I could not take it anymore. I summoned my best assistant into my room and turned the monastery over to him. This was not allowed, but I did it anyway (putting me in great disfavor with the emperor). I gave my assistant my robes denoting my advanced position, and put on the robes of a novice monk. I then left the monastery and began to wonder the countryside.

For several years I wandered the country, speaking to no one and not interacting with any humans. I was following my Tao. I was searching for enlightenment. I was connecting with Mother Nature. I slept in the forest, I bathed in the streams, I ate fruit right off the trees. I meditated in grassy meadows. I listened to the birds and watched the clouds and communed with the All That Is. My zest for living had returned and my yearning for enlightenment was reignited. It was a glorious time for me, one in which I made leaps and bounds in my evolvement. But then one day something happened to drastically change all that.

I often came within sight of other humans during my wanderings, but I never engaged them, and, seeing my Buddhist robe, they always left me alone. One day, I came upon a small village. I was about to walk around the village so as to avoid human contact, when I heard a faint whimper--almost a crying. I was at the edge of the village where people burned their trash and dumped their scraps. And there lying on the ground, wrapped in a blanket, was a baby. It became obvious to me that the baby was very sick and had been left for dead by the villagers.

I slowly walked up to the baby, and then kneeled down beside it. I was then overcome with the impulse to do something. I didn't know what to do, though. I had no training in healing and had no idea what was wrong with the child. I allowed my instincts to take over, and soon I was laying my hands upon the child and sending healing energy into it. I did this for quite a while and was oblivious to anything else going on. My full concentration was on the baby and every bit of energy that I could muster, I sent into the little body. Finally, when I was spent, I opened my eyes and saw that the baby's eyes were open, too, and looking directly at me. Then the baby started crying, and it was a loud crying, a healthy crying! The baby was healed.

I then looked up to see about forty villagers standing nearby. They had been watching what I was doing for I don't know how long. The parents of the baby then came running forth to take back their healthy child. They were crying profusely at their child's resurrection. Soon people were bringing me food and asking me what they could do for me. They invited me to spend the night and treated me like a king. After I had rested, a mother brought her daughter to me. One of the daughter's eyes was swollen shut. The mother asked me if I would heal her daughter, and so I did.

My life would never be the same.

From then on I continued to wander the country, but I was always followed by people everywhere I went. When I reached a village, the sick and maimed were there waiting for me to heal them. Word spread throughout the countryside, and I was quickly becoming a legend. I was just as amazed at me healing powers as nayone else was. I was able to heal just about anything (except of course replacing missing limbs). Soon, I was so busy healing people that I didn't even have time to question my healing powers. In fact, I hardly had time to even think. Before long, the only time I was ever alone was when I went into the forest to relieve myself. When I walked from one village to another, at least a hundred people walked with me. When I arrived at a village all the sick were lined up in the center of the village, ready to be healed. And I healed them--thousands of them.

I healed for three or four years, during which time I grew more and more disenchanted with it all. After a long period of time without any human contact, now I couldn't get away from it. I could no longer hear the birds or the wind, and I could no longer meditate for hours alone in a grassy meadow. There were just too many people wanting to be healed. I no longer had any control over my life.

Then one day my life changed drastically yet again....

I was just outside a village, about to enter it, when I saw a line that had been strung between two trees. On this line was hung some clothing--some peasant clothing. I was thoroughly overcome by a very strong impulse. I excused myself from the crowd, explaining that I had to relieve myself before I could heal, and then I started walking towards the forest. I walked directly for the clothesline which was right at the edge of the forest. I nonchalantly took some clothes off the line--clothes that looked like it would fit me--and then as soon as I got into the forest, I started running. I never bothered to relieve myself; I just ran and ran and ran. I ran until I knew no one was following me, and until I was exhausted, and then I walked and walked, never leaving the cover of the forest. I had escaped.

After several hours, I came upon a hot springs pool. I put down the peasant clothing and tore off my Buddhist robe. I would not wear it again. Naked, I got into the pool. I had not had a bath in a very long time. The water felt wonderful. My muscles were aching from running, and the freedom of enjoying a nice bath was truly joyful. I relished the freedom and the hot water, but as I turned in the water I was startled to find that there was someone else in the pool. It was a woman; a naked woman.

I had been a Buddhist monk most of my life, and I had never seen a naked woman before, much less engaged in sex. I completely froze, not knowing what to do. The woman smiled and stood up, revealing her breasts. She slowly came towards me....

....and my life changed drastically yet again.

It turned out that the woman was the proprietress of a Geisha house that was just a few hundred yards away from the hot springs pool. We became lovers and I found myself sleeping on a mat in the tool shed of the Geisha House. I told her my story, and she cut my hair and shaved my beard so that I would not be recognized as the legendary healer that I had been. I did odd chores around the place and went up to the proprietress's room when she called me.

This particular Geisha house turned out to be the most famous in the land, famous for the theatre which it put on. This house catered to the wealthy and the aristocratic. The kabuki theatre which this proprietress directed was considered the best in the land, and the proprietress was considered the finest actress in the land. There was also, of course, the prostitution involved, but the proprietress had girls to do that. She ran the place. She was an actress and a businesswoman. She had climbed as high as any woman could in Japanese culture at the time. She was very well respected both by her employees and by her clientele. Of course, she tried to keep it a secret that she was having a love affair with some wandering monk.

As for me, I dived headlong into the world of sex and entertainment. Before long I was not only sleeping with the proprietress, but with several of her girls. With all my Buddhist training I had not learned a thing about sex, but I made up for it poste haste. I enjoyed this life for a couple of years. Then I started growing more and more disenchanted. Sure the sex was wonderful, but I slowly started remembering my quest for enlightenment. I was becoming more confused than ever before.

Then one day the proprietress became ill. She had been vomiting continuously for a couple of days. One of the girls came to me to ask me to heal her. (I had confided in some of the girls, too, about my healing days.) I asked if the proprietress had asked for me, and was told no. Except for the baby, I had never healed anyone who did not ask to be healed, but I went to her room anyway. I did my healing routine, but to my surprise, it did not work! I was stunned. What happened to my powers? The next day one of the girls had a small problem she asked me to heal, and once again, my powers did not work! My confusion grew tremendously. I suddenly felt doomed. What had I done to myself?

Once again, I ran.

I left and headed for the monastery that I used to run (which was not too far away). Once there, I asked to be admitted as the lowliest of monks. I would start my training all over again--and maybe get it right this time. The monks that let me in said that I was once their teacher and that I should be put in charge. I refused, saying that I did not deserve it. I obviously did not know enough to be teaching others.

I only spent a few months at the monastery. I became more and more confused with each passing day. Happiness seemed thoroughly unobtainable to me, and I could no longer understand anything. Finally, I did the honorable thing. I committed hari kari. Sitting in the monastery garden, looking up at that volcano, I took a ceremonial sword, placed it just below my sternum, and then thrust it into my heart.

As I detached from my body, I floated up into the air. I hovered for just a moment to take in the sight of everything one last time. In this state, I realized that I could see great distances and I could see through walls even. Looking down at the monastery, I could see my body slumped over in the garden, and I could see monks walking around inside, oblivious to what just happened in the garden. Then I turned my attention to the north. My vision telescoped all the way to the Geisha house. I looked inside the house and I could see the proprietress lying in her bed. Her belly was swollen. I then realized that she was pregnant! I realized that I could look right into her belly, and when I did, I realized that she was carrying my child--a girl. I then realized that that girl was not only my child, but my twin soul! I was completely overcome with horror! How could I have done what I did? I killed myself before I ever had a chance to be with my daughter and twin soul. Was that what was missing from my life? Now that I was about to have what was missing from my life, I had to kill myself! I was overcome with the most incredible remorse imaginable.